The blade is alive in my hands. It’s thirst for blood screaming through my veins, overwhelming my senses. All I can think of is slaughtering all that stand around me. Their lifeblood will make me happy. I can’t have what I want, so I will take away the lives of others until I can get it. Blood is in my eyes. I can’t see anything through the red haze. All I know is that I make contact every time I swing my sword. I think my tears are falling more than the drops of blood from the people around me. He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t want me. I don’t want to live. Even if I don’t want to live, I’m gonna take as many of these motherfuckers with me as I can. I ain’t going down quietly. I ain’t gonna be found in a room with a slit wrist. I’m gonna die fighting and screaming his name as I make my last move. Maybe now he’ll take notice. Maybe now he’ll see how much he means to me. At least this way I know who dies first. I won’t have to deal with his funeral, with knowing that I have no chance to see him ever again. Then again, I’ll have that now. I’ll never see him again, but I’ll never see anyone. And I think that’s for the best. At least this way neither of us will suffer any more. After all it’s my fault. I could have just kept my mouth closed. Could have just tried seducing him as a straight guy. Seen how far I got with it that way. You never know, I might have got to fuck him. He would have thought it was just general good vibes and I would have got what I wanted. Honesty is never the best fucking policy. Honesty sucks arse. I could have lead my life ‘straight’ in his eyes and he would never have known how much I loved him, until after I’d got what I wanted, and maybe then he would have given it a try. Maybe. But it’s too late now. I can’t take those words back. Now all I have left is to end this life in the best way I know how. Death in battle. Bushido, the way of the samurai. Honour is in how you die. I choose to die, fighting for my life and with thoughts of the one I love. My sword has turned into a bright silver flash now. Moving too fast for the eye to see. My sight is slowly clearing and now I can see who I’m going to aim for next. Only by the time I’ve set eyes on them, they’re cleaved beneath my blade. I can feel myself beginning to tire and a twisted smile spreads across my face. It’s nearly over. Soon I’ll make that last mistake, and someone will take this life away from me. I leave my left side open, and a hand knife makes a ragged tear across my ribs. Nothing serious, but a start. A quiet, rasping laugh escapes my mouth, as I await the end, whilst plunging my weapon deep into the stomach of another man. That one would suffer before he died. He’ll know what it’s like to feel pain. I can almost sympathise with him, if it wasn’t for that fact that I have felt the pain all of those I hurt here will feel, in one mind and body. The end comes from an unexpected place. A man who I had dispatched badly had grabbed my ankle, dragging me to my knees. My executioner stands over me with his arm poised to drop the blade across my unprotected neck. Finally. An end. A stream of blood falls to the ground, but not from my neck, but the temple of my so-called executioner. He’s here. He’s here to save me for the first time. Once again my sight is blurred, but this time it’s tears that mar my sight. He looks so beautiful standing over me, his knife dripping the blood of the one who would have spilt mine. There is a fire in his eyes that I have never seen before in quite the same away. It’s anger, but not directed at me. It makes the beauty I see even more intense than it’s usual radiance. It’s all I can do not to reach out for him. For now, I must stop this madness, and see what becomes of the situation afterwards. I can die any day, but he has NEVER rescued me before. It’s a strange and scary feeling to know that he actually cares. He cares! He doesn’t hate me. He doesn’t wish this upon me. It’ll make him happy for me to live. I join battle again with renewed strength. No-one can come near me because I MUST win. I CANNOT lose. I have a reason for life and I’m not going to give it up. No-one even comes near me, and finally the last few who would have faced me, run in fear from the new light in my eyes and the vigour in my sword arm. Now that we are alone, I turn to him. "Why.... Why did you save me?” He looks confused that I would say such a thing. "Because I care about you. You are my friend and I don’t want you to die.” It wasn’t my ideal answer sure, but he cares! "Jay.... Do you know why I was fighting then?” A shake of his head answers the question that I already knew the answer to. "I was fighting to end my life, because a life without you at my side is empty. If you can’t be mine then there is no life for me.” I reach out to touch him, only to have him back off a step. "But I know you have never wanted that. Since I can’t die in battle like a samurai should, I shall commit seppuku. Will you be my second?” His eyes widen in shock. "No... I will not be the one that ends your life. I can’t see you like this. I won’t. I’d rather... No.. you will NOT blackmail me with your death. If a second is what you ask, a second you will get. I stand ready.” I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. That would be dishonourable. "Then bear witness to the end of my suffering. Please, make it swift.” He nods and I smile. He knows what to do. He’s not as stupid as he makes himself out to be. I remove my shirt and lay that beside me on the ground, neatly folded. I let my legs fold beneath me until I am kneeling once more. But this time, my death will be at my own hands. Next I take my short sword out of it’s sheath and turn it point first towards my stomach. One quick, strong cut in, across and back out. I breathe slowly and calm myself before carrying on. A mistake now would disgrace me. Before I know what’s happening, I feel lips on mine. A last desperate kiss. I lean into it and wish with all my heart that it was sincere. But I know it’s just him granting me my last wish. A wish that he knows I’d never have asked for. For all samurai are able to ask for a life wish, a single wish which must be granted when asked for. He fully knows that I could never bring myself to force him into such a situation. I am truly grateful for the sacrifice he willingly makes to make my last moments happy. It is the most emotionally filled kiss I have ever felt. It seems to last a lifetime and no time as well. I feel at peace and truly sure that I have made the right choice. Of course, I could have demanded that he becomes my love as my life wish, but that would be a heinous thing to do. Even now I can take no satisfaction from the kiss, knowing it is nigh forced. But even so, knowing that I was right about him. Knowing he would sacrifice his feelings for mine, fills me with a warmth I’ve never known before. He finally pulls away and I reposition the sword where it was before. A bead of blood I unwillingly released at the shock of the kiss, already drying in the cool night air. I push the sword closer until it releases another. It is now. The endless night begins here. "Jason, my love. Thank you for my last gift on this earth. I hope to meet you again in the Afterlife.” With these last words, I make a violent movement and slice through the front of my stomach. The pain lances through my body and I can feel a scream of pain building. But I contain it to keep the dignity and solemnity that the occasion demands. The last thing I see is the tear streaked face of the man I loved, marred with grief as he swings the sword to end my life, my pain. I can’t help loving him even in the last seconds of my life. His perfect face, his body toned to perfection, his usual smile replaced with a thin line. It hurts me that I’m hurting him, but I am happy. Goodnight my love. Goodnight world. Maybe in the Afterlife I will meet you again Jason. Maybe in the Afterlife we will be together with your consent.
